Communication

Communication can seem like a fairly ambiguous process. However, it is precisely this type of ambiguity that makes it hard for individuals with Aspergers to communicate effectively. Being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings in a clear manner can be very difficult, even for someone without Aspergers. Unclear communication has led to many unnecessary arguments between friends, families, couples, and perhaps even countries. Clear communication is something that takes practice. It is a skill that you can develop and acquire over time. One may struggle with it now but with practice and continued effort you will likely improve. To those who struggle with communication, I just want to remind you that you are NOT ALONE. Here are a few ways you may be able to improve your communication skills:

1) Join a debate club. Debate clubs often foster skills such as articulating logical arguments and developing clarity of thought

2) Join Toastmasters. Toastmasters is an organization that helps individuals develop good public speaking skills. Here is a link [ http://www.toastmasters.org/mainmenucategories/whyjoin.aspx ] to their website that describes the benefits of joining

3) Practice with friends or family. Objective listeners may be able to identify unclear presentation of ideas

4) Have other people read your work. When it comes to writing, sometimes we become “too close” to our work and no longer see where we may be making errors. An objective observer can point out overlooked mistakes

5) Read. Reading has many benefits. It’s like exercising the mind. It keeps us mentally sharp. You may want to read works by “great” writers. Opinions vary greatly. You may also want to consider reading books about communication

6) Take a public speaking class. Many people avoid public speaking classes but if you’re interested in developing communication skills, I would highly recommend it. I took one and it certainly helped me. It could help you to be a more sensitive and deliberate communicator. Public speaking courses encourage an examination of our thoughts and beliefs and thus may lead to clarity of thought

7) Make it a point to speak when you’d rather write a letter. It is okay on some occasions to write instead of speaking to someone directly but not if you do it to avoid the uncomfortable feeling associated with trying to express yourself. Try to force yourself to speak instead of writing. It may not be easy and it may be unpleasant at first but over time your communication skills may improve

8) Ask for an outside opinion. It would be interesting to know if others share that opinion. You could ask your friends, family members or teachers whether they agree with your self-evaluation. Their responses may surprise you. You may find that you are much better at communicating than you give yourself credit for

Social Phobia

Feeling isolated from the world is a common feeling for those with Aspergers. The fear that everyone's looking at you and criticizing can get really intense. Social phobia can turn totally casual glances into the belief that everyone's looking at you, judging you, criticizing, even though they have no reason to judge you. Only people who are actually looking for "prey" (you know, a mugger looking for a target or a schoolyard bully looking for someone to push around) would actually be doing that kind of thing, and they're not the sort of people whose opinions matter in the first place. Anybody who is that critical is not somebody whose opinion matters. But that perception of being judged and watched by others...it's very real. The experience of it is real and can be very distressing. Fear isn't rational, and you can tell yourself over and over that the average person has no reason to be so critical, but your feelings can refuse to listen to your mind, and you're stuck with them. Someone with Aspergers can re-train their feelings through therapy; but it takes time and there'll probably always be a vulnerability that her or she will have to deal with

Here are some steps that can help:

1) Try to build up your confidence day by day

2) Set yourself a task of speaking to a new person. Before going ahead and talking to them, think what kind of things you would like to talk about. Think about a conversation that would make sense for you to start up. This will give you a better sense of how to socialize, knowing when to speak, make jokes, be quiet etc

3) Then after that set yourself another task, but you decide what its gonna be. Something that you feel comfortable with

4) I would advise that eventually, when you're ready, you join some sort of club, activity, volunteer program, or something that you're interested with. That way you wont feel so alienated